Pray big, pray BOLD!

One of the most memorable messages from Urbana for me, was undoubtedly Sunder Krishnan's "Pray Big and Pray Bold". And since we set goals for our chapter on Friday, I decided to use his model to pray for our chapter. I do realize that it's one of the scariest things I have done because things will actually happen!

Praying to the sovereign God of creation means that He is sovereign over all creation, over all obstacles like our lack of confidence, over academics, self-worth, even parents. His sovereignty puts Him in control of all these factors and He intervenes. It also means that we, however hard we try, are not going to be able to change these circumstances -- only God can. God the Creator has give us this thing called prayer as His way to "infer upon us the dignity of causality", which means God lets us partner with Him in His creative activities through my prayers! Things happen when I pray! Praying to the God of creation also means that He has the power to "unleash all His creative abilities". So I prayed that God would do that for AAIV, that our LG SG NINJAs and even smaller things like games and fellowship events would become irresistibly attractive to seekers and visitors, that I would have fresh ways to testify His love and love people.

To the God who speaks and acts even today, I did not pray for comfort or safety, but for boldness, for risks, for uncomfortable opportunities, to love radically and to testify boldly. I prayed that the Holy Spirit would be so at work and evident in my life that people will see and put their faith in God, that He would speak through the speakers who will be coming to LGs messages of peace, hope, love and mercy. I also prayed for the rising leaders in our community, that after a semester and an Urbana of plugging in, they would be eager and thirst for the Spirit just as Elisha asked that of Elijah. And I prayed for the transformative power of the Spirit to be in our members, that as we continue to serve, AAIV will be transformed into a community that is welcoming, God-centered and outward-focused.

So I'm challenging myself -- and all of us -- that God will open our eyes to really see the people around us -- their needs, their gifts, and God's image in their lives. And from there, that AAIV will become the strongest spiritual leader and pillar in the Asian American student body, because we are filled with God's sovereignty, God's creative powers, and His word and truth, overflowing with compassion and love for His world and His people. So as we pray, as we lead GIGs, as we lead SGs, as we run LGs, as we run meetings, let us pray that we will die to ourselves -- not seeing any purpose in glorifying ourselves or hiding our inadequacies. Instead, with full confidence in a sovereign God, we will march forth in prayer and in deed, and we'll see what happens!

"Intercessors have an essential role to play in creating a better future for our world, because intercession is spiritual defiance of what is in the name of what God has promised. The shape of the future will be determined by those who can survey all its various possibilities and who, by faith, latch on to one as inevitable. History belongs to the intercessors who thus believe the future into being." (Walter Wink, Sojourners Magazine, quoted by Sunder Krishnan)

Proverbs 8

"For whoever finds me finds life and receives favor from the LORD.
But whoever fails to find me harms himself;
all who hate me love death."

So, this proverb is a long allegory about wisdom and it shows that all of her importance stems from being associated with God.

This specific verse really struck me as both an invitation and a warning.

AAIV has grown this past semester and it has grown every semester that I've been on leadership. The more I reflect on this, the more I realize that it's in spite of me being on board, not because of it. This isn't some asian humility thing, I'm really evaluating here.

I've been flying by the seat of my pants and only truly consulting God when something has already gone wrong. I think and talk, strategize and DECIDE before truly mulling it over and asking God what He wants to go, where He wants to lead AA. Part of it is laziness but another part of it is pure arrogance - trusting that I know better. And that's sin.

The words in the creation bit of this passage reflect John 1. There's a present but mysterious connection between God, Wisdom, and The Word.

The most encouraging part of this passage is " I love those who love me, and those who seek me, find me."

So, I'm not trying to earn wisdom or be more "holy" ... but I do think that it's important to seek it. To be like Peter, like Calvin talked about tonight and to run after it and recognize its worth.

Some areas that I need wisdom in:

*People. Understand the reasons that people act the way that they do. Understand what the person is going through by asking not assuming. Be BOLD and have the audacity to ask and listen.

*Vision. Where is AAIV headed? Is it a guided vision or just a ghost-in-the-machine tradition? How can I impact this and set things into motion for success? How do I spread vision? How do I know if it's my vision or God's vision?

*Clarity. I often have general feelings about people and ideas but it's difficult for me to fit the pieces together. It takes a long time.

*Willingness. I think I raise my hand and offer myself readily (maybe too readily), but I'm lacking in faithfully executing the things I've promised to do. Need to learn the discipline to be more diligent.

*Vulnerability. I also fear what others think of me, a lot. I have a deep fear of letting other people down (yes, especially you connect!) and tend to hide and cover my sin and problems if i can get away with it. i want to be someone that you can rely on and be confident in, but many times i am very insecure about my own leadership: both in ability and authority.

There's so much more, but I think that's enough for now. I only have one semester left, and I want to do this right. So much more than meetings and agendas, I want to see God's Kingdom grow in AAIV. Tonight, I think we had a taste of it, just like we had a taste (ok, meal) at Urbana. During those 10 minutes when people were smashing piggy banks I spent some time praying for AAIV. And, I kept looking at the vision banner. And suddenly, like never before, the IV vision was so clear and those words: transform, renew, change had so much power and meaning and clarity that I felt like I was going to burst. More than just individuals, I think AAIV is finally transforming as a chapter. And that is something to praise about.

Luke 22:39-46

I decided to step out of John for a while since we will be reading A LOT of John this semester. One of my favorite examples of Jesus praying is in Luke 22:39-46. As I did Lectio on this, I wondered what was it exactly that Jesus was going through. Beginning and ending this passage, Jesus instructs his disciples to pray so that they will not fall into temptation. I began to wonder that maybe Jesus was feeling the pressure of temptation which prompted him to pray. What does it mean exactly Jesus says, "...take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done"? Did Jesus fear death and pain also?

It makes me think about how I can easily forget the real Jesus. I always remember that Jesus is God, he is loving, a teacher, healer, etc. I tend to forget that Jesus is fully human, meaning he experiences everything that we experience as human beings.

As I continue to reread this passage over again, the things that Jesus was going through began to feel real. I recall, once I was lying in bed and I couldn't fall asleep because I just couldn't find the courage to face the next day and days following that. It was during a time when my dad was in the hospital and we didn't know what was going to happen to him. The more I read this passage, the more real Jesus is to me.

Anyways, I can't end this blog entry without at least mentioning prayer. Jesus prayed and God answered. Jesus prayed according to the will of God. He did not try to bargain with God. The prayer was humble and God-centered. The best thing about God is that instead of taking that cup from Jesus, he strengthened Jesus so that Jesus can take that cup. God isn't always going to change our circumstances but instead he transforms us.

la

What do I want? (part 2)

John 5:1-9

This is a story many of us are familiar with, but revisiting it today definitely proved that the scripture is the breath of the LIVING GOD and that it is ALIVE, changing to fit our circumstances to give us the message from God (from Urbana: Sunder Krishnan). God does meet us where we’re at.

This is the story about the pool of Bethesda. From time to time, an angel would stir the water and the first person to enter the pool would be healed of all diseases. Unfortunately, there's was an invalid man who waited for 35 years, but could not enter the pool because on his own. Jesus approaches and asks "Do you want to get well?" and the man answers yes and get healed.

Personally for me, I love Jesus’ grace part. Jesus is the one who approaches the invalid man out of grace and initiates everything by asking the man the question “Do you want to get well?” Jesus took the first step in approaching us! All we have to do is answer with a YES! While I was at Urbana Mission’s Conference, I was reminded that God wants to bless us, but because we do not ask he can’t.

I feel God calling me to pray a lot more. I know that he wants not only to get in a closer relationship with us, but also to bless us and so, as the new semester starts, I will ask God for his blessings both academically and spiritually and hopefully through this, I will be able to experience his awesomeness and receive his blessing!

What do I want?

In studying John 1-4 everyday at Urbana, I read about what it means to be a Christ-follower, what Jesus expects of us to commit to him and the salvation that Jesus wants us to receive. But upon reading these versus, I felt God challenging what I've been doing this last semester.

Personally, in the semester in which I've been doing the most "for Jesus," he really turned over my tables, specifically in areas in which I expected to receive my just rewards(academically,spiritually, physically) and questioned what I've been doing. The first verse I was drawn to in the bible study was John 1:38, where the disciples are informed that the passerby is Jesus, and they rush to follow him. Instead of telling them what the plan/schedule is starting at that time, Jesus asks them "What do you want?" I realized that if Jesus had asked me the same question at any point in the semester, I'm not so sure my answer would be to follow Jesus and know where he is living so that I could be with him and experience his presence. It would have been more like maybe I could get some good grades or maybe I could help AAIV prosper or maybe Jesus could bring the resurrection party to my house on my terms.

This shows up again in John 2:4. Jesus' mother informs Jesus that there is no more wine, so that maybe Jesus can use his power to fix the problem to prevent putting shame onto the host family. Jesus questions her as to why she involves him, to which she equips him with servants and leaves the situation to his discretion. Again I felt Jesus challenging me. I feel like I've only been calling on Jesus out of necessity, my own greed or because it should be his job because he can fix all problems; not out of faith that his plans are and always will be enough for me.

Jesus challenged me the same way he challenged Nathanael and Nicodemus, by reminding me that only through faith in his plans can I spend eternity with him and I am excited and ready yet cautious for his plans for this new semester.

John 1-4

The Gospel of John was written so that all who read it will believe that Jesus is the Christ and the Son of God and to have life in his name. After studying only 4 chapters out of the 21 chapters of the gospel, I fully understand what he meant in John 20:30-31.

I remember being excited and glad that I know Christ. I wanted to be like Philip and the Samaritan woman who felt the urgency to call people to 'come and see' Christ for themselves. The things I noticed about Jesus are indescribable and I want to so badly for the people I know who do not know him to 'come and see' for themselves who he is. Nothing I say will compare to how much greater he is if they saw for themselves.

On a more personal note, I was really struck by John 3:19-21. God brought to light my own sins and how I am still in darkness. My fear of letting myself be fully exposed has kept me from truly following Christ. Those unconfessed sins have hurt me and my relationship with Christ in ways that I did not know existed. For the first time, it brought tears to my eyes last Wednesday afternoon as I sat in Prayer Ministry desperately praying to God for courage and his grace.

I can say that I can surely testify to John 1-4. I encourage all of us (even those not at Urbana) to study these chapters with a friend who doesn't know Christ the way we do because we never know when the most unlikely person will be transformed by the message presented in the scripture.