But whoever fails to find me harms himself;
all who hate me love death."
So, this proverb is a long allegory about wisdom and it shows that all of her importance stems from being associated with God.
This specific verse really struck me as both an invitation and a warning.
AAIV has grown this past semester and it has grown every semester that I've been on leadership. The more I reflect on this, the more I realize that it's in spite of me being on board, not because of it. This isn't some asian humility thing, I'm really evaluating here.
I've been flying by the seat of my pants and only truly consulting God when something has already gone wrong. I think and talk, strategize and DECIDE before truly mulling it over and asking God what He wants to go, where He wants to lead AA. Part of it is laziness but another part of it is pure arrogance - trusting that I know better. And that's sin.
The words in the creation bit of this passage reflect John 1. There's a present but mysterious connection between God, Wisdom, and The Word.
The most encouraging part of this passage is " I love those who love me, and those who seek me, find me."
So, I'm not trying to earn wisdom or be more "holy" ... but I do think that it's important to seek it. To be like Peter, like Calvin talked about tonight and to run after it and recognize its worth.
Some areas that I need wisdom in:
*People. Understand the reasons that people act the way that they do. Understand what the person is going through by asking not assuming. Be BOLD and have the audacity to ask and listen.
*Vision. Where is AAIV headed? Is it a guided vision or just a ghost-in-the-machine tradition? How can I impact this and set things into motion for success? How do I spread vision? How do I know if it's my vision or God's vision?
*Clarity. I often have general feelings about people and ideas but it's difficult for me to fit the pieces together. It takes a long time.
*Willingness. I think I raise my hand and offer myself readily (maybe too readily), but I'm lacking in faithfully executing the things I've promised to do. Need to learn the discipline to be more diligent.
*Vulnerability. I also fear what others think of me, a lot. I have a deep fear of letting other people down (yes, especially you connect!) and tend to hide and cover my sin and problems if i can get away with it. i want to be someone that you can rely on and be confident in, but many times i am very insecure about my own leadership: both in ability and authority.
There's so much more, but I think that's enough for now. I only have one semester left, and I want to do this right. So much more than meetings and agendas, I want to see God's Kingdom grow in AAIV. Tonight, I think we had a taste of it, just like we had a taste (ok, meal) at Urbana. During those 10 minutes when people were smashing piggy banks I spent some time praying for AAIV. And, I kept looking at the vision banner. And suddenly, like never before, the IV vision was so clear and those words: transform, renew, change had so much power and meaning and clarity that I felt like I was going to burst. More than just individuals, I think AAIV is finally transforming as a chapter. And that is something to praise about.
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