Rewind to last Monday, I remember fasting being hard. At one point, there was this strawberry pie (chocopie-like) sitting on my apartment counter and I swear it laughed at me. I also remember that I definitely didn't prepare for our fast at all. I didn't pray. I didn't really even think about it beforehand. I just kind of...did it. So, to be completely honest, no real convictions from that Monday. It was more about keeping away from food than letting go of distractions to let God speak. My real convictions came afterwards though. Pretty much like a flood, really.
In reply Jesus declared, "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again." (John 3:3)
This was actually a QT I did awhile back (Jan 20) and surprise surprise, didn't blog about it. In my defense, the passage didn't really hit me until this past week though.
I've been going through Oswald Chambers's My Utmost For His Highest in grand spurts and it's funny, for this particular QT, the first line read, "Sometimes we are fresh and eager to attend a prayer meeting, but do we feel that same freshness for such mundane tasks as polishing shoes?" In my case, the prayer meeting part should've replaced the polishing shoes bit. This semester I'm already feeling bombarded by this meeting and that meeting, that God feels mundane to me. It sucks. And you'd think that meetings that are meant to help you serve God and serve your brothers & sisters better would keep things fresh, right? Shrugs. I thought that, at least.
Oswald's blurb continued...being born again daily is so important to keeping life fresh and by jealously guarding my relationship with God and drawing my life from Him only, that's where I will most definitely find my joy-in that meeting, with that person, wherever, whenever. I think that's my missing piece to the puzzle: serving AAIV has been hard these past few weeks because I haven't been fully open to God and made sure He was in the equation everyday. Meetings have been nothing more than just that. And as much as I asked for God to have a hand in every conversation, things have felt more like work on my part than opportunities for God to do His work.
Connecting all the dots here in a practical way is still a work in progress, but I want to fast again with the above in my heart and mind. Updates will follow on this one, promise.
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