Dry Bones

Ezekiel 37:1-14

There is a song that led me to this passage.
Here, Ezekiel has a vision in which he is in a valley of dry bones. Can you imagine being there? Yeah, pretty disturbing. Anyway, the Lord tells him to prophesy to the bones and eventually they rise up, now covered in flesh. Well, the bones aren't really alive because there was no breath in them. Eventually, the Lord tells Ezekiel to prophesy to the breath and eventually the breath entered the bones and now there stood an army.

I admit I read this multiple times and didn't really get it. I got that the dry bones were dead and God brought them back to life again by pouring his spirit on them. Honestly that's all that I thought it was. After some reflection, I realized that I'm probably somewhere in this valley of dry bones. There are a few instances when things feel a little hopeless. School, work, and life is a pretty heavy weight on my shoulders sometimes. Life can become dry like those bones.

Not just me, but I thought about how AAIV might be down there as well. We talk a lot about not overworking ourselves too much when we're serving, but I feel like we still do it. I know I do. I don't really know how much this has to do with the passage at all, but all I know is I don't want to see AAIV in the valley of dry bones. Wherever we all are, it doesn't hurt to remember that only God can breathe life back into us and transform us into an army just as he did to the dry bones. I look forward to retreat in hopes that God will use it to pour his spirit upon us so that we will rise up as an army. I like that he turned them into a vast army, not just a vast group of people, but an army. That's what I'd love to see in our leadership team and even all of AAIV.

Distribute food?

Honestly, I don't know much about spiritual attack.

Acts 5 and 6, the really early part in the early church. (The Spirit came in chapter 2, so it still isn't too far down yet.) At least up to where I read, it was before Stephen was martyred, before Paul's conversion. The three main chunks were 1) Ananias and Sapphira lying to the apostles about the money they got from selling their land; 2) the arrest of the apostles; and 3) the dispute between Jews about their widows.

Satan attacks in many ways. He messes with people's heads making them compromise their integrity. He straight up makes authorities persecute Christians, flogging, passing anti-God laws, killing. He also uses something inherently good as distractions to the calling of the believers.

Acts 6:1-7 talks about two groups of Jews who had a dispute over the distribution of food to their widows. Pretty stressful deal. But the Twelve decided to let seven men who are full of the Spirit and wisdom be in charge -- they prayed and laid hands on them to do this work. Why? Because the Twelve knew that if they took care of this dispute, they would not be able to be obedient God's call for them for ministry of the word and for prayer (v. 2, 4). And what Satan intended to be a deterrent for God's word, it became a catalyst. The word of God spread, and the number of disciples grew rapidly.

This passage made me wonder how it relates to our chapter. Some of us are called to lead SGs, some of us to finances. Some of us are called to prayer, and some of us to disciple people. I think it's so easy as "the leadership team" to forget that we have our own specific calling and our specific posts. For me, it's so easy to jump in and distribute food, when that may not necessarily be where I am called to.

For this, I am so grateful for God's wake-up call to us last semester. With Connect, I feel like we can talk about our chapter and recognize different people's gifts. It has become a place where we exhort and encourage, remind each other of God's grace and regain passion and strength. May it continue to be a place where Satan is defeated and God is glorified, and a place where we can lay hands on each other to send each other out to places and positions that we are called to, bringing wisdom and the Spirit of God with us as we go.

Acts 6:7 concludes Satan's attack with this:
"So the word of God spread."

Amen!

Proverbs 10-11

Momma told me to eat before I eat - to spend time in the Word before I eat physical food.

Today, I listened.

This passage was heavy and hard for me to read, but I think it's because it's hitting home. The main two things that this passage was talking about was that wisdom and controlling the tongue go hand in hand. The second thing is that the righteous will pursue righteousness, and they will be rewarded.

I think that as a team, we've been lacking in both of these things. Definitely, I personally have not had enough wisdom lately and have very often spoken before thinking things through. But, I think this problem is running deeper than just me.

We have all these opportunities that God allows us to make decisions. Some of them are small and others are huge. Some of them are simply administrative while others are dealing with people's spiritual nourishment and well-being.

I think that we've been trying too hard to rely on our own strength, reason and righteousness in making these decisions. These past few weeks, in Exec and Connect we've seen the repercussions of living like this. We've become hard-hearted to each other and have become more concerned about being right than what God wants for our fellowship.

During SLT (2008), one of the speakers told us, "I hope you have big, beautiful dreams for your chapter. Then, I hope that God crushes those dreams so that you can see the people in your chapter." I think we've reached the point of our own individual dreams being crushed, in one way or another. We can either mope about it or see how much we can impact the lives and the future of AAIV. So let's open our eyes to the people that we have been entrusted with and let's learn to pursue God's righteousness and not what we desire. Let's also see each other and remember the impact of our words when they are just hot air. Those little moments of heat have been nursed into tension and even bitterness. So let's love one another, consider each other's dreams and together figure out where God wants to take AAIV, even if we didn't see it coming.

Thankfully, I believe that God is working in this chapter and that in some ways, our troubles are a signal that Satan knows that kingdom work is being done here. So let's not let him steal our blessings from us, but let's be excited for all the great things God's going to be doing in us and through us for His name.

"Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs."

Let's love each other this week by caring for each other's feelings. Let's love God this week by caring for this chapter and all of His children that are in it. Love love love.

Breaking the Fast & Keeping It Fresh

Friends, my first blog. Ever. Sad that my invitation expired before I even started a la Tiki. Anyway, I've never blogged before, but here goes:

Rewind to last Monday, I remember fasting being hard. At one point, there was this strawberry pie (chocopie-like) sitting on my apartment counter and I swear it laughed at me. I also remember that I definitely didn't prepare for our fast at all. I didn't pray. I didn't really even think about it beforehand. I just kind of...did it. So, to be completely honest, no real convictions from that Monday. It was more about keeping away from food than letting go of distractions to let God speak. My real convictions came afterwards though. Pretty much like a flood, really.

In reply Jesus declared, "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again." (John 3:3)

This was actually a QT I did awhile back (Jan 20) and surprise surprise, didn't blog about it. In my defense, the passage didn't really hit me until this past week though.

I've been going through Oswald Chambers's My Utmost For His Highest in grand spurts and it's funny, for this particular QT, the first line read, "Sometimes we are fresh and eager to attend a prayer meeting, but do we feel that same freshness for such mundane tasks as polishing shoes?" In my case, the prayer meeting part should've replaced the polishing shoes bit. This semester I'm already feeling bombarded by this meeting and that meeting, that God feels mundane to me. It sucks. And you'd think that meetings that are meant to help you serve God and serve your brothers & sisters better would keep things fresh, right? Shrugs. I thought that, at least.

Oswald's blurb continued...being born again daily is so important to keeping life fresh and by jealously guarding my relationship with God and drawing my life from Him only, that's where I will most definitely find my joy-in that meeting, with that person, wherever, whenever. I think that's my missing piece to the puzzle: serving AAIV has been hard these past few weeks because I haven't been fully open to God and made sure He was in the equation everyday. Meetings have been nothing more than just that. And as much as I asked for God to have a hand in every conversation, things have felt more like work on my part than opportunities for God to do His work.

Connecting all the dots here in a practical way is still a work in progress, but I want to fast again with the above in my heart and mind. Updates will follow on this one, promise.

02.01.2010 Why the heck are we fasting?

Last week as we fasted, there was a point when I was wondering why I was even fasting anyways. Was it just because someone told me to do it? Honestly a part of me wanted to rebel. Instead of doing what I normally would have done, that is do what I want to do and make up an excuse, I decided to pray. When I thought about it, I realized that I had no reason not to fast. I'm at a point in my life where I really need to trust and hope in God. With graduation coming up, there are many uncertainties about my future and there are moments when I really freak out when I think about it. That is just one of many reasons why I needed that fast. In some ways, it was a lot about me but as I struggled to get through it, God became a lot bigger. That fast helped to me to restore God as the provider and to focus my thoughts on him. In the end, it was all to glorify God.

On to AAIV... (warning: i might get preachy)
I have no idea what the rest of us did while we were fasting last Monday. In addition, as prayer coordinator, I have no idea whether ESL spends a decent amount of time outside of AAIV meetings to pray for AAIV. Do I care? Should I care? Sort of, maybe. It's not my job to make people pray and it's something I can't enforce. I have accepted that. My hope is that people will value prayer for what it really is. This semester, we have been observing a lot of transformations in individuals and a bigger influx of hungry people than we normally get. Along with that, GIGs and discipleship meetings are happening. Just a year ago, we barely had anything like this! As leaders, how are we to serve everyone? In future fasting, I hope it will be for intercession and insight for AAIV and all the great things that are and will be happening. I hope that it will be for the sole purpose of seeking God.

John 8:21-30

This is another one of the passages where Jesus tells the Jews who he is. Jesus says that he is not from this world but sent from the Father to become the judge of the world. As usual, the Jews have no clue what Jesus is talking about (v. 27 "they did not understand that he was telling them about the Father"), but the interesting thing about this passage is that in verse 30, it says "Even as he spoke, many put their faith him".

I am like the Jews in that I don't fully take Jesus to heart. A lot of things are in my head. I know that faith in Jesus is the key to salvation, I know that my God is a great God who dearly loves me, and I know that he sent his only son to die for my sins, but that's it. I know it, but I don't believe it.

I want to be able to put my faith in Jesus like some of the Jews started doing in the passage. I want to trust that he'll take care of me and all my problems and truly understand what it means that my Heavenly Father loves me. It seems like that's the key. If we knowhow much God loves us, then everything just makes sense. This week, I'm going to bask in God's great love for us. I'm going to experience it and my faith will grow as a result of it.

Father, forgive me for being like the Jews. Even after everything that you have done for me, I still don't understand what it means that you love me. Have mercy on me, a sinner, and show your grace once more by allowing me to experience your love again. I ask these things in Jesus name, so that your name would be glorified through my absolute belief in your faithfulness and your unconditionally infinite love.

Pray big, pray BOLD!

One of the most memorable messages from Urbana for me, was undoubtedly Sunder Krishnan's "Pray Big and Pray Bold". And since we set goals for our chapter on Friday, I decided to use his model to pray for our chapter. I do realize that it's one of the scariest things I have done because things will actually happen!

Praying to the sovereign God of creation means that He is sovereign over all creation, over all obstacles like our lack of confidence, over academics, self-worth, even parents. His sovereignty puts Him in control of all these factors and He intervenes. It also means that we, however hard we try, are not going to be able to change these circumstances -- only God can. God the Creator has give us this thing called prayer as His way to "infer upon us the dignity of causality", which means God lets us partner with Him in His creative activities through my prayers! Things happen when I pray! Praying to the God of creation also means that He has the power to "unleash all His creative abilities". So I prayed that God would do that for AAIV, that our LG SG NINJAs and even smaller things like games and fellowship events would become irresistibly attractive to seekers and visitors, that I would have fresh ways to testify His love and love people.

To the God who speaks and acts even today, I did not pray for comfort or safety, but for boldness, for risks, for uncomfortable opportunities, to love radically and to testify boldly. I prayed that the Holy Spirit would be so at work and evident in my life that people will see and put their faith in God, that He would speak through the speakers who will be coming to LGs messages of peace, hope, love and mercy. I also prayed for the rising leaders in our community, that after a semester and an Urbana of plugging in, they would be eager and thirst for the Spirit just as Elisha asked that of Elijah. And I prayed for the transformative power of the Spirit to be in our members, that as we continue to serve, AAIV will be transformed into a community that is welcoming, God-centered and outward-focused.

So I'm challenging myself -- and all of us -- that God will open our eyes to really see the people around us -- their needs, their gifts, and God's image in their lives. And from there, that AAIV will become the strongest spiritual leader and pillar in the Asian American student body, because we are filled with God's sovereignty, God's creative powers, and His word and truth, overflowing with compassion and love for His world and His people. So as we pray, as we lead GIGs, as we lead SGs, as we run LGs, as we run meetings, let us pray that we will die to ourselves -- not seeing any purpose in glorifying ourselves or hiding our inadequacies. Instead, with full confidence in a sovereign God, we will march forth in prayer and in deed, and we'll see what happens!

"Intercessors have an essential role to play in creating a better future for our world, because intercession is spiritual defiance of what is in the name of what God has promised. The shape of the future will be determined by those who can survey all its various possibilities and who, by faith, latch on to one as inevitable. History belongs to the intercessors who thus believe the future into being." (Walter Wink, Sojourners Magazine, quoted by Sunder Krishnan)

Proverbs 8

"For whoever finds me finds life and receives favor from the LORD.
But whoever fails to find me harms himself;
all who hate me love death."

So, this proverb is a long allegory about wisdom and it shows that all of her importance stems from being associated with God.

This specific verse really struck me as both an invitation and a warning.

AAIV has grown this past semester and it has grown every semester that I've been on leadership. The more I reflect on this, the more I realize that it's in spite of me being on board, not because of it. This isn't some asian humility thing, I'm really evaluating here.

I've been flying by the seat of my pants and only truly consulting God when something has already gone wrong. I think and talk, strategize and DECIDE before truly mulling it over and asking God what He wants to go, where He wants to lead AA. Part of it is laziness but another part of it is pure arrogance - trusting that I know better. And that's sin.

The words in the creation bit of this passage reflect John 1. There's a present but mysterious connection between God, Wisdom, and The Word.

The most encouraging part of this passage is " I love those who love me, and those who seek me, find me."

So, I'm not trying to earn wisdom or be more "holy" ... but I do think that it's important to seek it. To be like Peter, like Calvin talked about tonight and to run after it and recognize its worth.

Some areas that I need wisdom in:

*People. Understand the reasons that people act the way that they do. Understand what the person is going through by asking not assuming. Be BOLD and have the audacity to ask and listen.

*Vision. Where is AAIV headed? Is it a guided vision or just a ghost-in-the-machine tradition? How can I impact this and set things into motion for success? How do I spread vision? How do I know if it's my vision or God's vision?

*Clarity. I often have general feelings about people and ideas but it's difficult for me to fit the pieces together. It takes a long time.

*Willingness. I think I raise my hand and offer myself readily (maybe too readily), but I'm lacking in faithfully executing the things I've promised to do. Need to learn the discipline to be more diligent.

*Vulnerability. I also fear what others think of me, a lot. I have a deep fear of letting other people down (yes, especially you connect!) and tend to hide and cover my sin and problems if i can get away with it. i want to be someone that you can rely on and be confident in, but many times i am very insecure about my own leadership: both in ability and authority.

There's so much more, but I think that's enough for now. I only have one semester left, and I want to do this right. So much more than meetings and agendas, I want to see God's Kingdom grow in AAIV. Tonight, I think we had a taste of it, just like we had a taste (ok, meal) at Urbana. During those 10 minutes when people were smashing piggy banks I spent some time praying for AAIV. And, I kept looking at the vision banner. And suddenly, like never before, the IV vision was so clear and those words: transform, renew, change had so much power and meaning and clarity that I felt like I was going to burst. More than just individuals, I think AAIV is finally transforming as a chapter. And that is something to praise about.

Luke 22:39-46

I decided to step out of John for a while since we will be reading A LOT of John this semester. One of my favorite examples of Jesus praying is in Luke 22:39-46. As I did Lectio on this, I wondered what was it exactly that Jesus was going through. Beginning and ending this passage, Jesus instructs his disciples to pray so that they will not fall into temptation. I began to wonder that maybe Jesus was feeling the pressure of temptation which prompted him to pray. What does it mean exactly Jesus says, "...take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done"? Did Jesus fear death and pain also?

It makes me think about how I can easily forget the real Jesus. I always remember that Jesus is God, he is loving, a teacher, healer, etc. I tend to forget that Jesus is fully human, meaning he experiences everything that we experience as human beings.

As I continue to reread this passage over again, the things that Jesus was going through began to feel real. I recall, once I was lying in bed and I couldn't fall asleep because I just couldn't find the courage to face the next day and days following that. It was during a time when my dad was in the hospital and we didn't know what was going to happen to him. The more I read this passage, the more real Jesus is to me.

Anyways, I can't end this blog entry without at least mentioning prayer. Jesus prayed and God answered. Jesus prayed according to the will of God. He did not try to bargain with God. The prayer was humble and God-centered. The best thing about God is that instead of taking that cup from Jesus, he strengthened Jesus so that Jesus can take that cup. God isn't always going to change our circumstances but instead he transforms us.

la

What do I want? (part 2)

John 5:1-9

This is a story many of us are familiar with, but revisiting it today definitely proved that the scripture is the breath of the LIVING GOD and that it is ALIVE, changing to fit our circumstances to give us the message from God (from Urbana: Sunder Krishnan). God does meet us where we’re at.

This is the story about the pool of Bethesda. From time to time, an angel would stir the water and the first person to enter the pool would be healed of all diseases. Unfortunately, there's was an invalid man who waited for 35 years, but could not enter the pool because on his own. Jesus approaches and asks "Do you want to get well?" and the man answers yes and get healed.

Personally for me, I love Jesus’ grace part. Jesus is the one who approaches the invalid man out of grace and initiates everything by asking the man the question “Do you want to get well?” Jesus took the first step in approaching us! All we have to do is answer with a YES! While I was at Urbana Mission’s Conference, I was reminded that God wants to bless us, but because we do not ask he can’t.

I feel God calling me to pray a lot more. I know that he wants not only to get in a closer relationship with us, but also to bless us and so, as the new semester starts, I will ask God for his blessings both academically and spiritually and hopefully through this, I will be able to experience his awesomeness and receive his blessing!

What do I want?

In studying John 1-4 everyday at Urbana, I read about what it means to be a Christ-follower, what Jesus expects of us to commit to him and the salvation that Jesus wants us to receive. But upon reading these versus, I felt God challenging what I've been doing this last semester.

Personally, in the semester in which I've been doing the most "for Jesus," he really turned over my tables, specifically in areas in which I expected to receive my just rewards(academically,spiritually, physically) and questioned what I've been doing. The first verse I was drawn to in the bible study was John 1:38, where the disciples are informed that the passerby is Jesus, and they rush to follow him. Instead of telling them what the plan/schedule is starting at that time, Jesus asks them "What do you want?" I realized that if Jesus had asked me the same question at any point in the semester, I'm not so sure my answer would be to follow Jesus and know where he is living so that I could be with him and experience his presence. It would have been more like maybe I could get some good grades or maybe I could help AAIV prosper or maybe Jesus could bring the resurrection party to my house on my terms.

This shows up again in John 2:4. Jesus' mother informs Jesus that there is no more wine, so that maybe Jesus can use his power to fix the problem to prevent putting shame onto the host family. Jesus questions her as to why she involves him, to which she equips him with servants and leaves the situation to his discretion. Again I felt Jesus challenging me. I feel like I've only been calling on Jesus out of necessity, my own greed or because it should be his job because he can fix all problems; not out of faith that his plans are and always will be enough for me.

Jesus challenged me the same way he challenged Nathanael and Nicodemus, by reminding me that only through faith in his plans can I spend eternity with him and I am excited and ready yet cautious for his plans for this new semester.

John 1-4

The Gospel of John was written so that all who read it will believe that Jesus is the Christ and the Son of God and to have life in his name. After studying only 4 chapters out of the 21 chapters of the gospel, I fully understand what he meant in John 20:30-31.

I remember being excited and glad that I know Christ. I wanted to be like Philip and the Samaritan woman who felt the urgency to call people to 'come and see' Christ for themselves. The things I noticed about Jesus are indescribable and I want to so badly for the people I know who do not know him to 'come and see' for themselves who he is. Nothing I say will compare to how much greater he is if they saw for themselves.

On a more personal note, I was really struck by John 3:19-21. God brought to light my own sins and how I am still in darkness. My fear of letting myself be fully exposed has kept me from truly following Christ. Those unconfessed sins have hurt me and my relationship with Christ in ways that I did not know existed. For the first time, it brought tears to my eyes last Wednesday afternoon as I sat in Prayer Ministry desperately praying to God for courage and his grace.

I can say that I can surely testify to John 1-4. I encourage all of us (even those not at Urbana) to study these chapters with a friend who doesn't know Christ the way we do because we never know when the most unlikely person will be transformed by the message presented in the scripture.